Why I Married My Saudi

There are many reasons people may find this blog. First (and let’s be honest–most importantly), family and friends want to know what interesting (or boring) things Husband and I are doing since we moved away. But we also want to reach out to other Westerners who may be interested in a Saudi, and all those who are looking at living in Saudi Arabia for any length of time.

Family, friends, please bear with me a bit as I ramble for others possibly interested in this blog.

Yes, I married my Saudi, but not everyone should. There were many people who warned me (and him) not to get married, or at least to be very cautious about each other. They had all heard the horror stories about such relationships, the heartbreak, sometimes even the cracked families. They cared about us and didn’t want us to face similar circumstances. As much as the warnings annoyed both of us, they also comforted us, told us that we are loved, that others want the best for us.

The average Saudi in the US is here to get an education of some kind. His government is paying for the school and housing, and he is not allowed to marry while on that scholarship. Most of the time, he will strongly desire to return to Saudi upon completion of his classes and misses it a great deal in the meantime. And unfortunately, some of the Saudis on scholarship go a little crazy with the freedom the society allows, to a degree that they would be highly ashamed of should their behavior become known in their home country. Think drinking, sometimes drugs and pork, and dating (including sex). They know they won’t be able to engage in such activities when they return to the home they love, so some will go a little crazy. Some of the strife-filled marriages that result between Americans and Saudis on scholarship are due to an accidental pregnancy. Marriage is the way the Saudi knows to “fix”the situation until he finishes his studies and can divorce his wife to return to Saudi. What happens in America stays in America, you know.

If a Saudi tells his parents about you before marriage, you know he is truly serious. He is willing to brave their disapproval (or not, depending on how liberal the family is) for your sake, and that speaks volumes.

If Husband had been the typical Saudi in the US, I wouldn’t have married him. He doesn’t advise most people to marry the Saudis in whom they’re interested, but there are some good exceptions.

Husband was not the average Saudi studying in the US. He initially came to get his master’s degree, so he was here on the scholarship, including not being allowed to marry. However, he did not express that longing for his homeland that so many others have. Husband ran away from Saudi initially. In many ways, he still doesn’t want to return except to visit family. During his school years, he maintained his moral standards. Once he graduated, he stayed. He didn’t fly back home for work, though work was readily available. Instead, he spent months finding a way to work in the US. We met a month after he got his first job here.

I didn’t listen too much to the warnings others gave me about Saudis, mostly because my Saudi didn’t fit the mold they always mentioned. If he had, I would have been very cautious.

Really, though, I didn’t fit the mold of the typical American, either. Saudis have a terrible impression of American women due to Hollywood: ditzy partiers who don’t wear many clothes and who take a different partner home every couple of days. That’s just not me, and he therefore ignored the warnings people gave him about marrying an American.

Yes, we went against the cultural stereotypes of our respective societies and married each other. No, we do not advise everyone to do so. Stereotypes have a kernel of truth, and it takes some serious introspection to discern whether or not they apply to your own circumstances. As Husband likes to say, “It’s really horrible to lie to people, but it’s a thousand times worse to lie to yourself.”